Blogger Tegar

Showing posts with label gelak. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gelak. Show all posts

25 June, 2010

Kalo binatang layan Facebook..


Skang nih boleh kate kan rmai gilers yg layan fb... uhuhu tapi pernah x korang pk kalo binatang pun layan fb.. korang rase ape yang dorang komen kat status dlm fb dorang...
maybe cam ni kot...

kucing betina: tadi kan ade kucing jantan dari mane ntah duk usha² i.. i ingat die syok kat i laa.



nyamuk : mlm nih aku dah buat 10 injection!! yeaa!!! sungguh puas ati...


cicak: huhuh awek aku x seksi lagi.. die x de ekor...



ayam: ermm.. kadang² aku terpikir sedap sgt ke mkn ayam goreng nih...


siput babi: Susah seh.. dpt bini yang lembap giler nak mampus nih.. nak ajak dating pun susah..

tikus: Jom lepak NZ mlm nih...!! aku banje...

p/s: thanks to kak yanti.. email mu bg inspirasi.. hehehe


28 May, 2010

Erk ... aku mimpi??

Terjaga ku dari tido yang lena.... melangkah malasss menuju ke tandasss.... matahari menyakitkan mataaa... la..la..la..la.. bersama-samaaaa... kita bangun hapdet blogg.... heheheh sedap x lagu aku ubah suai skit.. mintak maaf yerk kak Ella.. bella kebengongan pagi jumaat nih....

ade rupe mcm tgh bengong x?

Di hari jumaat yang cerah, ceria n penuh keberkatan nih.. aku bangun tanpe di kejutkan oleh bunyi alarm enpon and suara² yang membingitkan tlinge aku nih.. Tapi aku terjage disebabkan mimpi yang x indah lansungg... Dah lame dah aku x memimpikan diri.. bukan tido aku lena selame nih.. cume aku jarang mimpii... and kalo aku mimpi x penah nyer indah... selalunyer.. Seram, Pelik and ntah pape ntah... dan mlm tadi adegan mimpi yang x indah tuh berlaku lagi.. kali nih... mimpi aku bermula dengan...


berade di sebuah bangunan lamee yang ade rmai org.. maybe college kot...


and tetibe je aku dah ade rmai kengkawan... pelik sebab satu dr kawan2 tuh lansung aku x kenal...tapi rs mcm femes plak time tuh.. sebab sume knal aku...
So dlm aku menjalani kehidupan mcm student tuh... satu ari aku pun duk laa kat satu tempat mencari ketenangan diri... aku x tau la nape.. maybe waktu tuh aku x berape nak tenang kot.. heheh



Dlm aku duduk ... berangan ntah pape ntah.. tetibe ... org rmai berlari lintang pukang..." eh asal nih... "kata aku dlm hati.. hehhe ade dialog plak...

rupe2nyer.. ade byk spesies monster yg aku x tau dr mane dorang dtg menyerang... abess bangunan² di robohkan ikut suke dorang.. perghh.. aku pun lari... lari... and lari.. lagi....




Aku sorok kat dlm library.. ntah nape la aku lari ke situ... huhhu dlm aku ketakutan yang teramatt sgt tuh tetibe aku terdgr ade bunyi... aaaaaa dlm ati aku leh pikir nih ape plak.. x kan mimpi antu plakkk.. x beshhh btul!!!



Ade plak bayang² org yg berjalan masuk ke dalam library... fuh aku pun lega skit sebab aku nampak mcm kaki org... pak.. pak.. pak.. bunyi kasut die... and bunyi tuh cam makin hampir jerk kat tlingee aku nih.... mmg btul die dtg menghampiri aku... seorang perempuan yg aku x bape nak jelasss mukee nyer... di hulurkan sumthing... korang nak tau ape die hulur kat aku.... jeng .. jeng...


die bagi aku nih laa.. MAMEE MONSTER kate beliau if aku makan.. aku jadi kuat and leh lawan sume monster² kat luar tuh... lalu die menghilangkan diri... and tetibe aku dah tejageee.. potong btull!!! nape x tunggguu aku mkn dulu mameee tuh.. aku mmg sukeee mameee..!!! nih yang aku geramm nih... x pnah nak tunggu mimpi tuh abes btul²... dah terjage...

ni la mimpi aku yang buat aku rase terus nak hapdet blog... ntah pape kan.. nape mamee tuh leh tetibe masuk... tapi bile di pikir² kn.. aku mmg suke makan mamee tuh yg agaknyer termasuk dlm mimpi... hohohohoho...


27 May, 2010

Miscommunication...huh.. sgt terukk!!

Lee Sum Wan : Hello can i speak to Annie Wan

Mr Sori : Yes u could speak to me.


Lee Sum Wan: No, i want to speak to Annie Wan!


Mr Sori : You are talking to someone! Who is this?


Lee Sum Wan : Im Sum Wan. And i need to talk to Annie Wan! Its urgent.


Mr Sori : I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But whats this urgent matter about?


Lee Sum Wan : Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is going to the hospital.


Mr Sori : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isnt an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but i dont have time for this!!!


Lee Sum Wan : You are rude. Who are you?


Mr Sori : I’m Sori.

Lee Sum Wan : You should be sorry. Now give me your name!


Mr Sori : I’m Sori!!


Lee Sum Wan : I dont like your tone of voice Mr and i dont care, give me your name!


Mr Sori : Look lady, I told you already Im Sori! Im Sori!! Im SORI !!! you didnt even give me your name!


Lee Sum Wan : I told u before im Sum Wan! Sum Wan!!! You better be careful my father is Sum Buddy. And my uncle holds a very big position in the co. He is Noe Buddy.


Mr Sori : Oh im so scared (sarcastically). Look i dont care about ur uncle he’s a nobody. Everybody thinks his top dog and holding an important position in the company.


Lee Sum Wan : No Avery Buddy just married my aunt. And Avery Buddy doesn’t work there.


Mr Sori : Like i said i dont care which one of ur aunt screws everybody and i also know that not everybody works here! Jeez!!!


Lee Sum Wan : Wheech Wan is my sis!


Mr. Sori : I dont know which one is ur sis! Why in gods name u think i do!? Look i got work to do and if im feeling mischievious i’ll broadcast it on the P.A system saying. “Attention, someone called and said that anyones brother just got involved in an accident. But not to worry no one got injured and no one was sent to the hospital. But everyone is going to the hospital anyways. The father maybe a somebody but if u’re their uncle, u’re a nobody. “how bout that!?
Toot… .Toot… .Toot… …



Adeh... poning aku bacee cite nih... hheh nape laa name family die cenggitu.. kan dah susah.. isk.. iskk... isk...

24 May, 2010

Nape aku kuat smoke??

Semua orang tanyee nape aku smoke kuat sgt....

Huh.. dulu aku x mcm nih.... :(

Dulu aku mcm nih.. baik jerk...


sehingga aku berjumpe dengan seorang awek nih...


Aku suke sgtt kat die... die comeeyyy... !!


Aku berjanji macam2 kat die... huhuhu aku belikan die rantai..


Tapi akhirnyer die bagi bunge kat aku camnih... and lari tinggalkan aku..huhu

Aku x tau kenapee.. aku konfiuss!! aku peningg!!

Ade yang kesian tgk aku dorang offer aku nih..

dari situla kesah aku mule smoke... huhuhuh



*Cerite di atas adalah rekaan semate2 tidak ade kene mengene ngan mane2 baby.. hehehe Harap maklum yerk...


Merokok membahayakan kesihatan yek kengkawan..



11 May, 2010

Why they use Women for Calendars??

Huhuh... bile petang jerk.. tahap malas nih makin melantun2... bukan malasss jerk.. tp ngantukk.. z Z z Z.. keje berlambak2.. tapi x mo buat.. jadi bace2 laa email2 yang x sempat di bace... bz okey!! heheh..

Dalam banyak2 email tuh ade satu email yg buat aku gelak n tetibe jerk mate aku jadi segar balik... hheheh so mau share di sini.. buat tatapan kalian sume.. mane tau korang pun tgh bosan2 n ngantuk kan.. hehehe

WHY THEY USE WOMEN FOR CALENDARS??










THERE U HAVE IT - NO QUESTIONS, I PRESUME!

Dah naik juling mate aku nengok.. aihh... bagi yg berumur 13 tahun ke bawah x leh nengok eh...





24 February, 2010

Penjual telur n customernyer..

Seorang penjual telur sedang sibuk di kedainya. Seorang pelanggannya yang sedang memilih telur ingin menguji kebijaksanaan si penjual telur. Dalam diam dia mengambil sebiji telur dan digenggamnya di dalam tangannya.

“Jika awak bijak, cuba teka apa yang ada di dalam tangan saya ini?”, tanya pelanggan kepada penjual telur sambil menunjukkan genggaman tangannya.

“Cuba berikan aku bayangannya”, pinta si penjual telur.

“Baiklah, benda ini bentuknya bulat seperti telur.”, ujar pelanggan tadi.

“Tips lain?”, tanya penjual telur.

“Warnanya seperti telur juga.”

“Bayangan lain?”, rayu penjual telur lagi.

Pelanggan tersebut menggeleng-gelengkan kepalanya sambil berkata : “Belum cukup lagi?”

“Baiklah, jika ia dimasak rasanya seperti telur. Isi kandungannya adalah cair dalam keadaan biasa, tetapi apabila dipanaskan ia akan berubah menjadi pepejal.”

Penjual telur masih terpinga-pinga. “Tolonglah berikan lagi pembayang atau tips yang lebih details lagi.”

“Di dalamnya ada cecair yang berwarna putih mengelilingi warna kuning!”

Setelah berfikir panjang, penjual telur menjerit dengan yakin, “Aku dah tahu jawapannya. Ia adalah sejenis kuih! Betul tak?”

“Laa ish ish ish”. Pelanggan menggeleng-gelengkan kepada. Lantas membuka genggamannya…

Yaaa, ia adalah sebiji telur! Telur yang si penjual telur tu jual.

Aku terbace cite nih and pengajaran yg aku dapat dari cite nih adalah kita sebenarnya seringkali menjadi “BUTA” dan sometimes kite terlepas pandang dgn ape yg terlalu hampir atau dekat dengan diri kite. Sedar atau x, kite selalu pinggirkan dan mengabaikan orang yang plg hampir dengan kite n kita hanye akan sedar bile kite org tu dh hilang dlm hidup kite..

Memang betul kadang2 sesuatu perkare itu kite x nampak kelebihan dan keistimewaannya bukan sebab die jauhnya tapi sebab die terlalu dekat ngan kite. Jadi, kite kene sentiasa menghargai ape je yg ade kt sekeliling kite..

So korang pas bace cite tuh ape yg korang rase?? heheh ..komen jgn x komen...


23 February, 2010

I have a drinking Problem hehhe...


This cud happen at work, home, anywhere else where people jump into conclusions and not listen.

Good Communication is the best solution for many of problems that we might face in our life..




19 February, 2010

Result of LOVE marriage!!

His name is ZONKEY!!!
Korang ade name len x yg besh??


18 February, 2010

Ha.. nipu lagi..hehehe

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."

She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. <-- baikkk punyyeee!! pangggg...

He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called."

P/s: huhuhu jgn laa nipu isteri anda.. buruk padahnye.. hehehe

11 February, 2010

Driving Home one Afternoon..


A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He looks in his rear view mirror and notices a police car with its red lights. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy", so he floors it.

The cars are racing down the highway - 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy realizes he can't outrun the cop so he gives up and pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"

02 February, 2010

Oh..So "Pretty Woman"

Terbace kesah kt bawah nih kt blog seseorang.. menarik! huhuh mcm2 spesies org skang nih.. hehehe ...

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here.I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? <---Giler desperate minah nih.. bengang plak aku...huhuh
Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and

addresses of bars, restaurant, gym) <-- cari laa sndiri laa wey!

2) Which age group should I target? <-- 100thn...

3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few
girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to
marry rich guys. <-- nak ku tgk sgt muke die yg lawo sgt nih... aihh..

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your
girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)


Ms. Pretty


An awesome reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan: (Part nih aku suke sgt bace)

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you.




The answer is very simple, so let me explain..

Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.

Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later. <--- kuang.. kuang... kuang..


By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".

Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. <--- kene lagi... besh!

I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool..

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me.

signed,
J.P. Morgan CEO

26 January, 2010

Meh nengok .. eheheh

Huhu ari nih aku rase ngantukk sgt.. tapi aku rase aku tau nape.. bukan sebab aku x ckup tido tp dr pagi tadi ..aku duk mencekik jerk... pagi nih aku dh telan nasi lemak.. sambil2 buat2 keje aku aku mkn kuih.. skit2 aku makan.. tetibe bile aku kire ade laa dlm 6 biji kuih... Thanks to ika sebab mak die buat kuih kacang ke ape namenyer yg sedap.. heheh nyami nyami..

So akibat dari sume tuh.. aku ngantuk tahap kambing dah nih.... x leh nak fokus..Jadi untuk menghilang kan ngantuk aku nih.. aku pun saje laa mencari-cari gambo2 yg kelakar n pelik...

ni laa hasilnyee...


ni pe mamat nih duk belek2 nih... mamat kat blakang tuh nape lak?? konfiuss...

hhuhu naseb baik muke baby tuh x same.. kalo x.. kene tanye sape bapak die? hehe


beruang ke ape nih.. nape kurussss.

Mesti datuk die suke superman ayah die suke batman..

Corn dong?? ape itu dong??

Please k.. dont touch yourself... hahahhaah

ko bukan budak yg atas gmbr ngan anjing tuh ke.. waa. dah kurus skit laa..

Gile jambu awek sebelah ni....

Jawab.. jawab...

uikk.. seronok sgt la tuh mandi kt situ..

Hello ladies!! my name is romeo...

Pemalaihh tuii!! bangun!! bangunn!!

Isk.. ciann.. cian... meh sini dtg malaysia.. aku bg duit meh...

Men lagi dlm toilet.... padan muke duk situ smpai mak ko balik...

Korang mesti x nampak aku kan... wakakaka...

Konon dah habes comel laa tido gaye cmtuh...

Ade eh.. sign macam nih....

Oittt!!! ko buat ape tuh.... rosak rumput tuh..

Emergency jek leh nih.. kalo x gi tempat len eh.. pls..

Tiru macam saya... la..la..la..la...

Jahat tull.. anak sape laa yg buat nih..

ko kucing dari planet marikh ke?

uikk.. cube teka menatang ape nih...spesies apekah beliau nih...

Beshnyer!! hari hari mauuu...

nih baru rumah di landa ombak...